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Today we are going to discuss about the importance of forgiveness in our life and why is it really hard to forgive someone. Forgiving people is good quality but practically it is difficult to forgive someone.
The absolute answer to why is it hard to forgive people is because they have tempered our peaceful mind and given us unnecessary pain. Their interference in our life is unbearable to us.
Do you have grudges for someone? Do you feel happy with it or not? Holding on to resentment and grudge is unhealthy. Hatred is never going to give you happiness and peace. It creates nuisances for us and makes our life miserable.
As a famous quote says:
“Refusing to forgive is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die”.
From the early ages, we have been taught to forgive because it is the right thing to do. But still, we don’t feel righteous doing this, it feels like we are doing against ourselves in that moment. But later we realize that we have done a good deed by forgiving them.
Forgiveness doesn’t deal with others, it is for us. Everyone wants to live a happy and prosperous life. But they don’t know the way to live happily. We meet different types of people daily and never lost our own identity. At the end of the day, you only left with yourself.
Forgiveness is just like a long road to happiness or maybe a never ended road. On this road, you will get many obstacles like hatred, jealousy, criticism, etc. but these are on the sides of the way along with the road, you don’t have to stop there. The more you tend towards forgiveness, the more peaceful you feel.
Obstacles may influence your mind negatively and will distract you from your goals. But you have to keep going on your path of forgiveness which will lead you to eternal bliss. Therefore it may be sometimes hard to forgive, but when you succeed doing it, you become stronger.
Lewis Smedes wrote: “To forgive is to set the prisoner free…and to discover that the prisoner was you.”
Don’t become so harsh to people who have done wrong to you. Try to put yourself in that situational factor in which they did that act. Keep a feeling of empathy in your heart even for the people who hurt you. We have to look positive things in the people with keeping the feeling of empathy in our heart.
We often read about self-love and also believe that we should love ourselves; there is nothing more worthy than this. We are perfect the way we are, we should accept ourselves as it is.
Why is it so hard for us to forgive? | Kati Morton | Sahilsharmablogs
If any person doesn’t feel affection for us as we are, the feeling of hatred or hate start evolving in us. This is the reason why we feel difficult to forgive people, who have hurt us.
Forgiveness is hard to offer but good to do it. It is the virtue of strong people weak person can’t do it. The only person who has set big goals to achieve in life will choose the path of forgiveness and ignoring the nuisance that are only to distract him/her.
If you hate the person who has hurt you, you will lose your focus on your goals and will become less enthusiastic. It becomes hard to forgive the person who has hurt you until they compensate for the loss. Feeling of hate will make you do the things which you ought not to do.
We don’t offer forgiveness because there might be a thought in our mind that by offering forgiveness we would benefit the offender. But in reality, we empower ourselves by removing the feeling of hatred from our hearts. The courage to forgive comes by the mercy of God.
“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.”
Jesus commands us to pardon. Medical science confirms forgiving others makes us healthier and stronger. However, it is so hard to do. Forgiveness shows that you are a wise man to choose not to hold the toxic emotions anymore.
So here we are going to discuss about the most common reasons why is it hard to forgive people.
Most common reasons why is it hard to forgive someone
These reasons will help you know your obstacles in forgiving someone. Let’s discuss them in detail…
We are the best person in our eyes with all the imperfections within us. We know our weaknesses and strengths also, but it is only limited to us and our life. If someone else interferes in it we get annoyed by them. We have our own principles and rules. If someone goes against our rules and try to hurt us, feeling of hatred get developed for them.
False ego or prestige
False ego and prestige are the cause of many undesirable problems in our life. Keeping his false feelings in mind will only bring negative people around us, who will associate with your false ego and prestige.
And when some honest person meets you he will show your real identity and you will feel disgusted about him/her. And we will don’t be forgive him in our arrogance.
When someone punishes you for the mistakes you have not done, you become full with anger and hatred. You only want to hurt them in return and tell them that you were not incorrect to be punished. Clearing the misunderstanding is the right decision than hurting them in return.
For not repetition of the same mistake
You might get irritated with some people and their behavior. You keep distance from them to keep your mind calm and relax. You could not change their behavior because they don’t want to change.
If they do something wrong to you, you will not forgive them on any cost, not because of anger but, you want them to not repeat the same mistake again.
It feels strange adding this point here…but it affects a lot in every aspect of our life. Our company decides how our life is going to be, how would be our future. Negative people always get jealous with our success and growth.
They will pinch you every time when you are going to do sometimes good. They create obstacles for you, behind your back. And you think that they are your well-wishers. They will always suggest you the path of negativity, revenge. They are miles away from the positive concept of life such as forgiveness, love, etc.
Our past drags us and slows our pace of progress. We get entangled with the negative thoughts or memory from the past that are still painful to us. Our anger may become calm over time but these memories can agitate them and again put us in pain. You will never be peaceful with keeping the hurtful memory in your head.
Whenever our decision brings negative results to us, feeling of guilt start dwelling in us. We get depressed with our mental imbalance. We start hating ourselves and then anxiety, hypertension, despair, get developed in us. Until we forgive ourselves and remove the feeling of guilt from our mind, our mind will not become relaxed.
When we only think about ourselves, our world becomes smaller and smaller and in the end, we get alone in our world. You will never achieve happiness with living alone. Happiness is all around yourself in the world.
It might be choice not to get entangled with anyone because you don’t want any disturbances in your life. But selfishness will develop feelings of hatred for you. Forgiving is hard with the feeling of selfishness, but when you really care for your mental health, you forgive people.
Want to finish
Some people are just a nuisance in your life; you don’t even keep them away from yourself. You just tolerate their nuisances and get disturbed within. Surrounding is full with such people. They are the reasons we spoil our relationships with the good people also.
You want to excel them from your life; you just need some ways to do so. And you will never forgive them in future for their negative acts in your life.
There are people in our surroundings who like us fighting. We become a source of entertainment for them, our problems entertain them. They will never tell us to stop fighting and live peacefully. They provoke us to fulfill their intention and the person with ill-tempered get in their trick.
Related Post : 21+ Reasons Why Forgiveness and Love Is Important In Life ?
People with ill-tempered are not able to take right decision in their life. Their mind is affected by all the gossips around him. He will never be going to forgive the person, by believing the person who provoke him against someone.
We are still feeling the anger give time
The major reason we don’t forgive people is that we are still feeling the pain of what they did to us. Our mind is still in that moment and the whole scenario is in our front.
Take some time to make your internal noises calm otherwise we can feel it until we don’t try to stop it. This feeling is continuously making us upset, angry, sad. Until we don’t put an effort to remove such feelings, we are not going to forgive them.
We want revenge
If we do an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth, we will be a blind and toothless nation.
-Martin Luther King
Whenever someone hurt us, we want to hurt them to satisfy our anger. But truthfully this is not way the world works. If you hurt them back, I promise you will not feel any better. We might actually feel worse because when we realize what we have done in anger we will feel guilt. You will be like them and there is no any difference.
Don’t let them out of the hook
If we forgive someone it can feel that we are letting them out of hook. The person who hurt us and did all the damage and that we are having hard time about, it become difficult to let it go.
But the truth is if we forgive them we are really letting ourselves off the hook. It’s not about them. It’s actually about us, and how we feel and how what happened is affecting us now.
They haven’t apologize
If they don’t feel what harm they had made to us and didn’t apologize to us, our arrogance goes on increasing. They have wronged us and just ignored our pain doesn’t even felt sorry then how is it easy to forgive them.
But is there any good way to overcome your despair and anger – forgive them. The best cure to every wound for both the conflicts and victims is to forgive
Disappointments can come from anywhere in your life when you look around as a pessimist. And you start blaming people for the despair you have created of our own. Disappointments come when you lose your confidence in your life and start believing on others.
Related Post : To Err Is Human To Forgive Is Divine
You develop feeling of hatred for yourself and for others also. It becomes a disaster over time. Control your thoughts and transform them. Become an optimistic person. Forgive yourself for your failures and downfalls.
Relation with the person or bonding
Good relations bring happiness in our life. But always remember – To err is human, and to forgive is divine. If the dearest person hurts you, for whom you do efforts to bring happiness on their face. Your heart doesn’t allow you to forgive them.
Distractions always keep your mind wandering here and there. It makes our mind busy in unnecessary thoughts and feelings. But with these thoughts you will go nowhere in life rather you will get degraded in life.
“Sand was dribbling out of the bag of her attention, faster and faster.”
― Sarah Blake
A distracted mind never chooses the right path to follow. Distractions are so strong that our mind gets drowned in an imaginary world. Coming out of it, in the present moment, you feel dissatisfaction in your heart.
When our mind is distracted and we feel low with this, we oppose ourselves to get more distraction in mind. We procrastinate to forgive people during distraction.
Many thoughts can never be forgotten and grudges associated with them will not be forgiving “You got me once, but never again.” Some offenses are so deep that it ruins your life and give a lifetime pain to you.
In such situation, it becomes very hard to forgive the person who did this to you. Even you can’t take revenge still the feeling of hate increases in your heart and you can’t forgive them.
Intention to hurt us
If someone wants to hurt you knowingly or for their personal regret. It becomes difficult to forgive in such situations. In such cases, the problem is not solved even by forgiving the conflicts.
Instead, we provide him a license to repeatedly do harm to us. Some mistakes don’t hurt us badly but still, we don’t forgive, because we don’t want to engage with that person anymore.
Forgiveness is worthy
Forgiveness is an expensive attribute, everyone can’t afford it. And also we should not give it to everyone. Having it in our mind is good but you should only forgive the person who earned it or deserve it. Otherwise, forgiveness can be used as a one-way investment with no external profits. Keeping this feeling in mind keep our mind peaceful.
Stubbornness can be used positively and negatively. It helps in overcoming many problems in our life but when it came to forgive someone it plays a negative role. It doesn’t allow us to make them win in any matter, so how should we forgive him.
Some people don’t forgive someone because they might not have received forgiveness for their mistakes. So for that reason, they show their eviction to the other people by not forgiving them.
Unexpected things bring several changes in our life or attitude. If any person wrongs us from whom it is never expected it is hard to forgive him. They lost our trust on him/her by doing this. The feeling of affection gets totally ruined.
Stop thinking about bad
When you are in severe pain caused by any person, your anger takes your imagination in a completely different world which does not match with your reality. It goes on increasing the anger until you stop it.
When we choose to forgive, we are choosing to heal ourselves and our mind. We are choosing happiness over holding on to anger. We are telling the other person that they no longer have control over our life and our emotions, that what they did to us was horrible, but we will not allow it to define us.
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